i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
