I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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