Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
