If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
