I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
