i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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