Tell her she can't have a vagina
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
