I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
