I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
