I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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