The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
