I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
