Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
