You're so nebulous sometimes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
