I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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