you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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