i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
