Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
