I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
