Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
