but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
