Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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