Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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