I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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