saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
