You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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