mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
