we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
