my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
