apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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