Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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