I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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