You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
