ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
