he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
