their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
