So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
