Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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