Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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