vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
