I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
