you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
