The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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