the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
