I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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