wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
