3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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