Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
