So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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