yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
