omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
