you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
